Kill All The Guests!
by katie4dragons
Summary: Total Crackfic. What happens when a crazy bride steals Light's Death Note to use as her wedding guest book? Nothing good, I can assure you that. In which a wedding is ruined, Light is a psycho, and the author has a twisted imagination. T for language.


**AN: Total crackfic, although it could be slightly believable, Mwahahaha! :D**

**It just randomly popped into my head, but took me forever to actually get around to typing it… because I'm an extreme procrastinator. While reading this, make the voice in your head sound sarcastic and absolutely insane, it makes it more enjoyable.**

**:P**

**-katie4dragons**

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><p>It was a beautiful wedding, just lovely, exquisite, dandy, elegant, and all of those other drippy words that sappy old people use to describe ridiculously expensive things that only last for a terrifyingly short amount of time.<p>

In other words, it was _nice_.

In other words, it was _sweet_.

In other words, it was _romantic_.

In other words, it made Light want to_ barf_.

Light normally wouldn't chose to come to a wedding, but he had been forced to attend this one. He had just been walking past the church, minding his own business and plotting more deaths, when the bride had run up to him and grabbed the Death Note out of his pants. Wait, let me rephrase that – She pulled it out of his waistband. Much better.

Anyway, our young bride had been having an absolutely fabulous morning. That was until she realized that she had forgotten one thing- a guest book. Panicked, she had raced out the street, intending to go buy a fancy looking notebook from a high-priced dollar store, but wait! Look there! Walking down the sidewalk towards her was a dashing, dazzling, drop-dead-damn-delicious man… with a glorious notebook! Practically screaming with joy at her immense luck, the bride had stolen the notebook and ran back to the church, Light following closely behind her.

That's when things took a turn for the worse and the revolting. The groom was a strange man and had walked around the church giving every guest a piece of the Death Note, telling them to wait for the signal. He wanted all of the signatures to be written at the same time, and then after the wedding he would glue them all into a collage or something else tastefully artful. Or just plain weird.

The bride soon began to walk down the aisle, or more acutely, limp, for Light had attacked her in an attempt to get back his Precious Diary of Death. But the bride had valiantly fought him off tooth and nail. Light was now watching from the back of the church, nursing a broken nose… it's crazy what brides will do for a perfect wedding.

But back to what we were saying, just as the priest told the couple a bunch of fancy confusing words that pretty much just meant, 'Hey, you're married.', the husband gave the signal. There was an instant flurry of pens on parchment as the guests all quickly wrote down their names.

Light began to count down.

The guests began to clap for the supposedly happy couple; there were even a few wolf-whistles. After all what is celebrating without a few wolf-whistles?

And then the bodies all dropped to the floor. Light stood in the back of the church, laughing evilly and raising his face to look up at the roof. If there had been thunder and lighting it wouldn't have surprised anyone to hear him shouting, "It's alive!", because that's what kind of evil laugh it was.

Very evil.

Evil.

Evil.

Evil!

The bride franticly turned to the shocked groom, grabbing him by the shoulders and began screaming at the top of her lungs. Tears flooded down her face at the thought of her ruined wedding.

"Mr. Groom! Death was NOT on the agenda!"

He blinked a few times and then came to his senses, instantly understanding what needed to be done in a situation like this one. He began to run around in circle, flailing his arms and yelling.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! We killed all of the guests!"

Light calmly walked over to where his Death Note lay forgotten on the ground and picked it up, whispering to it words of comfort. For Light is a fanatical psychopath and he believed that the book was alive and that its feelings were terribly hurt.

He turned and began to walk out of the church, muttering about how 'All these dead people do absolutely nothing for the scenery.' Cries of the word shit echoing in his ears, Light fled the scene.

The (horrifyingly creepy and sudden) end.

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><p><strong>AN: This wedding was based off of only what I've seen in boring romance movies. I can only recall ever going to one wedding in my life… but all I can remember is jumping around in a huge bouncy castle after the ceremony with one of my cousins. In fact, I don't even remember who was getting married. Ah, fun times. :)<strong>

**Anyway, feel free to review.**

**-katie4dragons**


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